I'm going to need another brain grenade before I can really get going... These fucking wisdom teeth are killing me, the jaw clenching, the pain. I deserve a drink- I swear if we went through teething as adults, like we do as infants, we would commit suicide.
Alright, stuffs on my mind. Lots of stuffs, and I'm actively working on a solution to help bring it to the forefront. On a way to get it out. Fuck. Take two?
I've decided to shove in the face of all of the fucktards who actually possess a lower IQ than I do, that I'm not a fucking country bumpkin who has no other aspirations in life but to shit out 3 kids and live a meager existence of servitude.
The days of being pitied for their perception of inferiority are god damned over. Bitch, you might have it on paper, but when you hit reality, it hits back- be ware. You're living in your cushy little world where the only thing that matters is how effectively you learn to memorize the material- not whether you're capable of comprehension.
This, my anger I mean, brings to question my motivation. Am I driven simply because they have dared to question my intelligence? Could I be so truly vain, or is it a knee jerk reaction when some lowly sullen pieces of society posture their selves as superior? Ah, I am lead to believe that it could really be that simple after all. It is entirely possible that I fear being placed in the same bracket of existence as these filthy underlings. That I need, for some undefined purpose, to be better, to be me, to thrive, to win, to own them all.
A good friend of mine once said (and I'll not mention who- she's a school teacher) that, "You can teach an idiot to read, and recite, and pass tests, but you can't teach them to be intelligent. You just can't put something in there that wasn't there to begin with". Maybe this is why I fear being one of them? Being perceived as one of them? She has a point, you know.
The anger that swells every time I have to think about what they did to me- about the fact that I was fucked out of a conventional education... From about 3rd grade on, I was my own instructor. Asking for help when absolutely necessary, reading, reading, and reading some more. Oh, I loved to read, I loved to learn- I could have thrived if given a proper education!!! Instead, I was left with no options, no legal path forward, no proof of my "education". Nothing. I am simply another illiterate HS drop out- statistically speaking.
So, my english sucks, but for one reason or another people enjoy reading my rather vulgar, excessively descript recount of my life's experiences. My borderline personality disorder seeps through the lines, and is (to quote an acquaintance) "Captivating". It is, after all, the thing I always enjoyed more than reading.
You know, I take that back. I retract the previous statement (though I could simply backspace). It is one of the few things I know, that makes sense. I simply choose to ignore the rules. What of expression? What would I sound like if I did not write as though I were speaking? Perhaps is the reason that people find me so readable. Perhaps.
No decisions made yet. As I stated in a previous post, I have yet to successfully regain the math that was lost when I OD'd. Fucking drugs iz bad. Ah, the pain. The pain of studying something that used to be common sense. Something which simply flowed from me. Reality is a bitch.
What I ultimately wind up doing, who knows. Least of all me. My rant is that I have been accused of being incapable, of being a simpleton, a fucking idiot (now, go wiki "Idiot' to see why I'm pissed).
I have not just fucking survived. I have survived intact- fucking underlings can't make it out of adolescence without contemplating suicide. You know, they should do it, just get over with it, quit being a drain. A fucking hole in which people pour their kindness.
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