For want of a nail, the kingdom was lost. For want of a life, all fight was tossed. And now, here I stand, basking in the glow of a thousand burning memories. It is hard to discern reality from wishful thinking, hopefulness from what a ship lay sunk in the summers storm. A life of light from the winters cold, abrupt, ancient, and taking refuge in the winds of time, ever roaming from heart to heart.
Its like a skipping stone, heavy and light, atop the water having taken flight by the hand of a child, like a dream it skims the surface of the reflecting pool, only to sink into the eventuality of its own reality. Gravity. It pulls us, as the wind pushes, falling, flying, soaring, roaming... we're all coping. Thats all any of us can hope for.
I feel the life of my life, the breath of my breath, the reality of my reality inside of me, freeing the being of my inner being. A soul, it is our consciousness... It is the breath of our breath, the conversion of oxygen into life, and into death. We're all addicts.
I'm rambling now, off in a swirling torrent of thought, caught beneath the surface, and lost in the undertow. I can not make a cohesive declaration of my present state of mind. Ah... to be me.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
So scrooge me
This being the holiday season, now, by December 4th I have already had my fill of Xmas muzak. Fuck, I had my fill by the end of October... It seems that people are starting sooner every year. I couldn't believe it when I saw Xmas and Halloween decor right next to each other!
I'll take this opportunity to say that if the Xtain community screams any louder about taking the 'christ' out of 'CHRISTmas' (yes, they fucking annunciate it, and even spell it that way!) I may very well split my side laughing.
Do any of them know what the 25th of December is? It sure a hell isn't the date of the birth of baby Gee-Whiz (he was born in the autumn). It signifies the Rebirth Of The Sun God, when the days begin to lengthen after the Winter Solstice.
Now, I understand the claim that anything which they choose to celebrate in reference to their god is considered praise (by the way, what is their god's name? We know its a male deity, right? All I see are a collection of titles, but no actual name...hmm... have they forgotten his name?), which goes back to the "God in all things" claim... *sigh* And I clearly see how, and why the catholic church integrated the wonderfully significant pagan holidays (Don't even get me started on easter... omfg, that one may be the funniest of ALL), but that does not justify their claim to persecution when someone does not "respect" their Xtain holiday.
My brain almost explodes when I attempt to analyze their process of reasoning which leads to such an assumption...
Disagreement = persecution.
Differing religion having right to practice = persecution.
Being informed of the actual historical value of their holiday = persecution.
WTF? I don't follow... I couldn't even when I was living in their midst, I never could. I guess we're wired differently.
*sigh* Guess I'll be a scrooge again this year, and say "Happy Holidays", "Merry Yule", and "Kiss my ass you holiday stealing rat bastard... christianity really IS a bastard religion, just look how baby Gee-Whiz came into the world."
One last word to you, since I've been asked so very many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many times why an Atheist (you want me to capitalize your "c", you capitalize my "A", kk?) would celebrate an Xtian holiday... IT ISN'T ONE. But I guess that would take understanding your religion's history.
I'll take this opportunity to say that if the Xtain community screams any louder about taking the 'christ' out of 'CHRISTmas' (yes, they fucking annunciate it, and even spell it that way!) I may very well split my side laughing.
Do any of them know what the 25th of December is? It sure a hell isn't the date of the birth of baby Gee-Whiz (he was born in the autumn). It signifies the Rebirth Of The Sun God, when the days begin to lengthen after the Winter Solstice.
Now, I understand the claim that anything which they choose to celebrate in reference to their god is considered praise (by the way, what is their god's name? We know its a male deity, right? All I see are a collection of titles, but no actual name...hmm... have they forgotten his name?), which goes back to the "God in all things" claim... *sigh* And I clearly see how, and why the catholic church integrated the wonderfully significant pagan holidays (Don't even get me started on easter... omfg, that one may be the funniest of ALL), but that does not justify their claim to persecution when someone does not "respect" their Xtain holiday.
My brain almost explodes when I attempt to analyze their process of reasoning which leads to such an assumption...
Disagreement = persecution.
Differing religion having right to practice = persecution.
Being informed of the actual historical value of their holiday = persecution.
WTF? I don't follow... I couldn't even when I was living in their midst, I never could. I guess we're wired differently.
*sigh* Guess I'll be a scrooge again this year, and say "Happy Holidays", "Merry Yule", and "Kiss my ass you holiday stealing rat bastard... christianity really IS a bastard religion, just look how baby Gee-Whiz came into the world."
One last word to you, since I've been asked so very many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many times why an Atheist (you want me to capitalize your "c", you capitalize my "A", kk?) would celebrate an Xtian holiday... IT ISN'T ONE. But I guess that would take understanding your religion's history.
wtf
I'm a raving idiot. I just fucking erased an entire page. Fuck.
OK, I say fuck too much. And I like it. Get over it.
OK... Nuff of that.
Lets see, where am I at? Hmm... Take my temp here, see where the boiling point is, well, unless I have surpassed it. I'm in a slightly odd state of mind (for me, I know that I am inherently odd, that is aside from the point), after the last visit with my ex husband ( who shall from here forward be referred to as "Dumbass") several interesting things have occurred.
I did something incredibly stupid when he was here last. I let him out of ear shot with my kids, and he had a little session with them, in which he told my babies that they did not have to live with me... That they could come live with their daddy if they didn't like me, or if I was 'mean' to them. He told them that they did not have to obey my lovely because he is not their father (which backfired, in a huge way)- Troy is apparently confused, since his "dad" made it perfectly clear to him from the day he was born, that Damon was his favorite, and he meant nothing to him (dumbass avoided this child like the plague, and still claims that he is not his child). From Troy's perspective, Dumbass is "Damon's Daddy". Hmm... Interesting. Something I have gone out of my way to avoid, confusion, that is.
He took the opportunity to alienate me, to affirm in their minds that I am the villain of this story, and that they can do justice by simply not yielding to my (or my lovely's) authority. He took the opportunity to implant the idea that he is their knight in shining armor, and that he will rescue them from this tower I have placed them in... Yes, yes, let lord fuckwad 'rescue' them. Never mind that the police had to rescue Damon from the condemned, drug infested hell hole that Dumbass had him living in, and that DSS confirmed that he was in fact abused and neglected. Ugh... FUCK!!!
I'm angry, and I don't want to be vindictive. I refuse to be the bitch that he has painted me out to be... I won't let him have that, I simply can not, for my own integrity's sake allow that to become a reality. That man stripped me of all I was, of all I had to offer, including my dignity, self worth, and ability to trust- the one thing he couldn't take from me was my integrity.
Sorry sack of shit just called me, demanding to speak with his children. Fucker had better be prepare for EVERY conversation that he has with them to be recorded... maybe he will incriminate himself. Maybe, maybe I'll be that fortunate. He's so good at what he does, I have to credit him with being slippery as hell.
blah, blah, blah... I can't say anything else constructive. Fuck, fuck, FuCk, Fuck, fUck, fuCK ME running. (that should be my indian name)
OK, I say fuck too much. And I like it. Get over it.
OK... Nuff of that.
Lets see, where am I at? Hmm... Take my temp here, see where the boiling point is, well, unless I have surpassed it. I'm in a slightly odd state of mind (for me, I know that I am inherently odd, that is aside from the point), after the last visit with my ex husband ( who shall from here forward be referred to as "Dumbass") several interesting things have occurred.
I did something incredibly stupid when he was here last. I let him out of ear shot with my kids, and he had a little session with them, in which he told my babies that they did not have to live with me... That they could come live with their daddy if they didn't like me, or if I was 'mean' to them. He told them that they did not have to obey my lovely because he is not their father (which backfired, in a huge way)- Troy is apparently confused, since his "dad" made it perfectly clear to him from the day he was born, that Damon was his favorite, and he meant nothing to him (dumbass avoided this child like the plague, and still claims that he is not his child). From Troy's perspective, Dumbass is "Damon's Daddy". Hmm... Interesting. Something I have gone out of my way to avoid, confusion, that is.
He took the opportunity to alienate me, to affirm in their minds that I am the villain of this story, and that they can do justice by simply not yielding to my (or my lovely's) authority. He took the opportunity to implant the idea that he is their knight in shining armor, and that he will rescue them from this tower I have placed them in... Yes, yes, let lord fuckwad 'rescue' them. Never mind that the police had to rescue Damon from the condemned, drug infested hell hole that Dumbass had him living in, and that DSS confirmed that he was in fact abused and neglected. Ugh... FUCK!!!
I'm angry, and I don't want to be vindictive. I refuse to be the bitch that he has painted me out to be... I won't let him have that, I simply can not, for my own integrity's sake allow that to become a reality. That man stripped me of all I was, of all I had to offer, including my dignity, self worth, and ability to trust- the one thing he couldn't take from me was my integrity.
Sorry sack of shit just called me, demanding to speak with his children. Fucker had better be prepare for EVERY conversation that he has with them to be recorded... maybe he will incriminate himself. Maybe, maybe I'll be that fortunate. He's so good at what he does, I have to credit him with being slippery as hell.
blah, blah, blah... I can't say anything else constructive. Fuck, fuck, FuCk, Fuck, fUck, fuCK ME running. (that should be my indian name)
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