I am completely torn... What to do? What to do? WTF?
I would like, love, want desperately to enter two different fields of work. I know not which to pursue, or which would be the most rewarding for me. Or the most profitable... *le sigh* God, damn it. Damn it.
As a woman who has experienced "Natural Child Birth" or "NCB" for all 3 of my pregnancies, followed rather uneventful, yet excessively long labors which left to the medical community would have ended in cesarean section, I am interested in becoming a Doula. If It had not been for Mechelle, I would have undoubtedly caved to the pain of labor, and indulged in drugs, which I know now could have resulted in my becoming paralyzed... I have spoken with 5 anesthesiologists who refuse to touch me with a 10 foot pole, because I have fairly severe scoliosis. Though at the the time of my first birth, they attempted to sell me on one, even though I WALKED into the hospital fully dilated, trying not to push, and spent Less than 20 minutes in the hospital before I shat Niki out.
On the other hand, I truly would enjoy graphic design... as I find my vent time used up with pen and paper-I know that were I put on task, I would successfully produce useful material... I look through my note/sketch/watercolor books, and all of the canvas I have wasted, and know that I would truly be productive. My attention to detail is what makes it such a pains taking process for me.
Now, let us add into the equation those who feel I should have some sort of career writing. I disagree wholeheartedly, as I gaze upon all of the grammatical errors which present in the previous text.
I do enjoy writing, but I have little to say that is of worth.There is very little that would be absorbed by the general public. I could write a book, based on the hell alone.
Oh, what the fuck do I do?
