So, I apparently blog unlike most bloggers.... not that anyone is going to read this, or care. It's a journal, an open book, the place I vomit my thoughts (and sometimes wind up deleting them the next morning if I've had too much bourbon to navigate good taste... wait, I apparently don't know what that is when I am stone cold sober).
I'ma bitch now, kk?
I won't know until tomorrow, just how soon I can get in to see a therapist- I say "A" therapist, because I'm frankly undecided that this is going to be helpful, or successful... but not for me and kind of worried that whatever I say will be taken out of context and used against me. At least here, I can say what I wish and there is a small footprint to be referenced when it's used against me. *sigh*... Either way, I'm in a bad spot and trying not to say anything that I'll deeply regret, even if it is completely true.
In personal relationships, I am not known for diplomacy, or even tact. I assume that being intimate with me, you're fully aware and okay with the fact that I simply speak the truth, as I see it. I throw that card down on the table to be played off of. Pussyfooting around the truth doesn't make it any lesser an evil. However, in completely superficial social situations, I'm good with playing the diplomatic role, even that of peace keeper- because I... Just. Don't. Care. The long term outcome means nothing, so my personal integrity isn't as much a consideration. Fucking personal integrity.
I'm a fan of people being completely, one hundred perfuckingcent honest with me, one hundred fuckingpercent of the time. I take being secretive as having something worth hiding, which I will *never* be ok with. I just won't. Period.
If I can't trust you not to need (or want) to hide the truth from me, well... I just can't trust you. Especially if you've left evidence in the past of your bad behavior- or your intent to behave badly... Which, by the fucking way, I have the decency to announce BEFORE hand. Yeah, if I'm going to do something earth shaking, I'll let you know first, so you have the time to fucking come to terms with it.
In so many ways, I'm old fashioned as a mother hubbard. I expect, even *demand* decency from those who I am closest to. Being fucked over isn't my favorite past time, but it's one I've learned from... If you cant claim me openly, happily, proudly, well... You don't deserve me, or all that I do for you. If you're going to behave like you're ashamed of me, I might as well behave accordingly, no?
It's like accusing someone each and every day of cheating, being a cunt about it, eventually he'll do it because he has no reason not to. You already believe he has, what would it change?
Unlike those who use their intellect as a superior throne, I claim nothing other than being a plain spoken, self educated, left leaning, free thinking highschool drop out who makes incredible grammatical errors, but at least knows how to fucking read and spell (OK, so grammar isn't as bad as it could be. Notice there is no comma between and, and spell(: ).
Take it or leave it, I am what I am. If you're ashamed of my unpolished form, I'm ashamed of your superiority complex. When it comes down to raw humanity, I can successfully navigate around the piranha. Can you claim the same? Fuck an an, I've made my mistakes, but I OWN them. Integrity? Anyone?
Why does being honest always have to hurt?
I'ma bitch now, kk?
I won't know until tomorrow, just how soon I can get in to see a therapist- I say "A" therapist, because I'm frankly undecided that this is going to be helpful, or successful... but not for me and kind of worried that whatever I say will be taken out of context and used against me. At least here, I can say what I wish and there is a small footprint to be referenced when it's used against me. *sigh*... Either way, I'm in a bad spot and trying not to say anything that I'll deeply regret, even if it is completely true.
In personal relationships, I am not known for diplomacy, or even tact. I assume that being intimate with me, you're fully aware and okay with the fact that I simply speak the truth, as I see it. I throw that card down on the table to be played off of. Pussyfooting around the truth doesn't make it any lesser an evil. However, in completely superficial social situations, I'm good with playing the diplomatic role, even that of peace keeper- because I... Just. Don't. Care. The long term outcome means nothing, so my personal integrity isn't as much a consideration. Fucking personal integrity.
I'm a fan of people being completely, one hundred perfuckingcent honest with me, one hundred fuckingpercent of the time. I take being secretive as having something worth hiding, which I will *never* be ok with. I just won't. Period.
If I can't trust you not to need (or want) to hide the truth from me, well... I just can't trust you. Especially if you've left evidence in the past of your bad behavior- or your intent to behave badly... Which, by the fucking way, I have the decency to announce BEFORE hand. Yeah, if I'm going to do something earth shaking, I'll let you know first, so you have the time to fucking come to terms with it.
In so many ways, I'm old fashioned as a mother hubbard. I expect, even *demand* decency from those who I am closest to. Being fucked over isn't my favorite past time, but it's one I've learned from... If you cant claim me openly, happily, proudly, well... You don't deserve me, or all that I do for you. If you're going to behave like you're ashamed of me, I might as well behave accordingly, no?
It's like accusing someone each and every day of cheating, being a cunt about it, eventually he'll do it because he has no reason not to. You already believe he has, what would it change?
Unlike those who use their intellect as a superior throne, I claim nothing other than being a plain spoken, self educated, left leaning, free thinking highschool drop out who makes incredible grammatical errors, but at least knows how to fucking read and spell (OK, so grammar isn't as bad as it could be. Notice there is no comma between and, and spell(: ).
Take it or leave it, I am what I am. If you're ashamed of my unpolished form, I'm ashamed of your superiority complex. When it comes down to raw humanity, I can successfully navigate around the piranha. Can you claim the same? Fuck an an, I've made my mistakes, but I OWN them. Integrity? Anyone?
Why does being honest always have to hurt?
