wtf

  I'm a raving idiot. I just fucking erased an entire page. Fuck.

  OK, I say fuck too much. And I like it. Get over it.

 

 OK... Nuff of that.
  Lets see, where am I at? Hmm... Take my temp here, see where the boiling point is, well, unless I have surpassed it. I'm in a slightly odd state of mind (for me, I know that I am inherently odd, that is aside from the point), after the last visit with my ex husband ( who shall from here forward be referred to as "Dumbass") several interesting things have occurred.
  I did something incredibly stupid when he was here last. I let him out of ear shot with my kids, and he had a little session with them, in which he told my babies that they did not have to live with me... That they could come live with their daddy if they didn't like me, or if I was 'mean' to them. He told them that they did not have to obey my lovely because he is not their father (which backfired, in a huge way)- Troy is apparently confused, since his "dad" made it perfectly clear to him from the day he was born, that Damon was his favorite, and he meant nothing to him (dumbass avoided this child like the plague, and still claims that he is not his child).  From Troy's perspective, Dumbass is "Damon's Daddy". Hmm... Interesting. Something I have gone out of my way to avoid, confusion, that is.
  He took the opportunity to alienate me, to affirm in their minds that I am the villain of this story, and that they can do justice by simply not yielding to my (or my lovely's) authority. He took the opportunity to implant the idea that he is their knight in shining armor, and that he will rescue them from this tower I have placed them in... Yes, yes, let lord fuckwad 'rescue' them. Never mind that the police had to rescue Damon from the condemned, drug infested hell hole that Dumbass had him living in, and that DSS confirmed that he was in fact abused and neglected. Ugh... FUCK!!!
   I'm angry, and I don't want to be vindictive. I refuse to be the bitch that he has painted me out to be... I won't let him have that, I simply can not, for my own integrity's sake allow that to become a reality. That man stripped me of all I was, of all I had to offer, including my dignity, self worth, and ability to trust- the one thing he couldn't take from me was my integrity.
  Sorry sack of shit just called me, demanding to speak with his children. Fucker had better be prepare for EVERY conversation that he has with them to be recorded... maybe he will incriminate himself. Maybe, maybe I'll be that fortunate. He's so good at what he does, I have to credit him with being slippery as hell.
  blah, blah, blah... I can't say anything else constructive. Fuck, fuck, FuCk, Fuck, fUck, fuCK ME running. (that should be my indian name)