Today my sewing machine bit the dust. I feel like I want to cry, as I look in the mirror at my tattered, ill fitting jeans, and typical T-shirt... I was in the middle of some new clothes. Yeah, I want to cry. Not just because of the damned machine either.
  Some days, like today, I feel so lonesome. I love my babies, and I really don't get all that much out of superficial interaction, but I also feel trapped in the realm of motherhood, and can not escape. I want conversations that stimulate more than my gag reflex as someone discusses their latest diaper blow out, or which formula they finally chose after their baby reacted badly to the first 3- because "I couldn't breastfeed"... If I had just a nickel every time I heard that, I would be a rich woman.  I want to mean something to someone, anyone, other than just mom.
  Today I looked in the mirror, and I saw everything I told myself I would never become, and it frightened me to no end... Realizing that I am losing my grip on who I am as a person, after fighting so hard to preserve it for so long- It's as though I looked up at the dangling baby grand hanging by a thread above my head, and couldn't shake the enormity of it's shadow, even when I stepped aside.

  Is it wrong of me to suddenly take an interest in "girly" things? Is it even for me, or am I just willing to put on an act so that I can get as far as a hello? I am not sure. Furthermore, would it even work?  I'm not exactly fitting the profile of beauty, even on my most attractive of days.
  It sickens me to see someone who has nothing to offer, be offered everything, because they fit the profile- they are fun to look at, even though they are as empty as a whiskey bottle in an alcoholics rubbish bin. Yet they are considered an asset because they are empty- Just look @ women who are in sales and you'll see what I mean... They thrive in that position because there is nothing else for them, they are nothing more than a showpiece. Yet they succeed when someone who is qualified is left to the wayside- Am I the only one who is sickened by this?