Ever have one of those days where clarity of thought resembles the horizon? It is as a straight drawn line on blank paper, all that lies below that line is filled into the darkness of the land or sea, while all above is the potential reality that can only be sought by those who would defy fear.
Often I have been told that I think too much. I believe that I may not think enough, or that I am too slow to categorize what has been analyzed. That I am always second guessing a determination that is clearly cut and dry.
Continually, I am amazed by the decisions that life would have us face. Something, an opportunity, a chance for gain that may come only once, is a monumentally blessed occasion for one, and a point of grief for another. I am torn between being happy, putting on a face, swallowing my anguish, moving on- Or fighting for something that I know is unattainable. Eh, the world will not end... But it will certainly contain less joy.
The simplest things are the hardest to attain, and to maintain. The past year, if its experiences have taught me nothing more, have taught me that much.
So, here I sit dissecting my thoughts, in a desperate scrap with my emotions, trying to regain control over what I fear is a complete loss. Attempting to remind myself that the sun will rise and set on my emotions, people will be birthed, and people will die. Nothing in the world really changes, except for my own personal quality of life. And what of it? I make the decision to be happy. Or do I? Is there some unknown criteria which must first be met in order for happiness to occur? Perhaps there is.
When all else is said and done, what do we have in the world but hope? You can carve vast mountain ranges into depth-less caverns with none more than water, and mold opinions and beliefs with no more than persuasive seeding comments... Hope does not abate this fear, which is born from reality- not from negative, paranoid, or insecure thoughts.... Lots of unanswered questions.
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